I believe God reaches out to each of us in unique and personal ways. My original title for this book was “Loco Motif”. It was a play on words and languages. One day while cleaning up my iTunes library I came across an old song buy Guns N’ Roses that was still lurking around. The title of the song is, “Locomotive” and though I listened to it a million times when I was younger, the lyrics blew me away when I really thought about them in reflection of the things that have happened in my past. The lyrics to this song, as much as any other single thing, set my mind in motion for the writing of this book.
“Loco Motif” is an obvious play on the English word and title of the Guns N’ Roses song. But there are multiple other meanings and connotations too. I have had the dubious distinction of having been married twice. The mother of my children is French, and the woman who was my second "wife" is Puerto Rican. “Loco” is Spanish for crazy and “Motif” is French for motive. One euphemism that I will share regarding the now discarded title is that the book recounts all of the crazy motives that I had for doing the things that I’ve done.
Once I changed my book’s title, I adapted the old one to use in this second part by adding the name of one of my favorite drinks “Dos Equis.” It ironically enough came to my attention, via my children's mother, that the label on the drink is XX.
Crazy Motives and 2 Ex’s. There is humor to be found in everything. What more can be said?
Chapter 8: Stuck in the Grips of a Vice
Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin?” Proverbs 20:9 (NIV)
After finding myself in two failed marriages and having been victimized by a con artist, I realized there were lessons that I needed to learn when it came to forgiveness.
We all have personal vices and we will continually suffer for them in different ways until we learn to let go of them. Can faith be a vice? Maybe, maybe not. Lost people see faith as a crutch, the saved see faith as their source of strength. I want my faith to have control over how I think, how I act, and how I want to treat other people. With faith, we must also gain a level of maturity.
The NIV uses the word “forgiveness“ or one of its derivatives nearly 150 times. Jesus said in Matthew 6:15 (NASU), “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”
In a pratical sense, we need to learn from our mistakes and mature from them so that we don't repeat them. Thomas Szasz once said, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
Chapter 9: The Seeding of Hope in a Field of Discord
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Romans 7:15 (RSV)
I envisage freedom as a dichotomy of optimism and illusion. Say that three times fast and it sounds like freedom becomes a dichotomy of optimism an’ delusion. Rather apropos I think.
I am thankful to my "second Mom", Georgia McCabe who planted a seed of faith in my life at a very early age. It took years for that seed to germinate, but I'm thankful now that it did.
Chapter 10: A Time to Count My Losses
“A newly married man is not to be drafted into the army nor given any other special responsibilities; for a year he shall be free to be at home, happy with his wife.” Deuteronomy 24:5 (TLB)
Our faith is supposed to be the foundation upon which we can build our moral inspiration and spiritual growth. Someone has to plants these seeds, and somewhere within us must be the desire to see them bear fruit. There comes a time though, that enough is enough. Even if your cause is just, you have to learn to let go and accept your losses.
Chapter 11: Putrescence of Feigned Love
Your touch your ways, leave me dumb without reason
Your love my cage, my prison so pleasing
I spend my days, tangled in thoughts of you
Stuck in this place, resigned to be your fool
From My Obsession, Skillet
I fell for every lie my ex-wife in El Paso, Texas and my former girlfriend from Franklin, LA told me, and went back for more. Pavlov couldn't have done a better job of conditioning his dogs than what these women did to me.
I learned that it is hard to see through a person's lies when they deliberatly mask their actions with deception. I've come to understand that a person can act lovingly towards you for the sole purpose of exploiting you. It's a lesson that has application at home and the office.
Chapter 12: Etiology of a Divorce
“As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly,” Proverbs 26:11 (NKJV)
When sometimes we get burned you’d think sometime we’d learn
Sometimes we’re so far off the beaten track we’ll get a taken for a ride
By a parlor trick or some words of wit, a hidden hand up the sleeve
To think that the one you love could hurt you now
Is a little hard to believe
But everybody darlin sometimes bites the hand that feedsFrom Breakdown, Axl Rose
These quotes say it all about this chapter, herein I was the fool repeating my folly.
Chapter 13: The Thief Believes That Everybody Steals“My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways.” Proverbs 23:26 (NIV)
Just when I thought I had it all, caught a sucker punch and lost it all…
Just never thought it would come from you…
So what am I supposed to do, when all I’ve got is God and you…
I guess I’ll trust the one I can’t see
From Hard Way, Scott Stapp
These quotes say it all about this chapter, in my past, I trusted the wrong people.
Chapter 14: Accountability Will Someday Come
“They make many promises, take false oaths and make agreements; therefore lawsuits spring up like poisonous weeds in a plowed field.” Hosea 10:4 (NIV).
Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should’ve known better when you came around
Now it’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
‘Cause I know you’re living a lie
But that’s okay baby ‘cause in time you will find….
From What Comes Around Goes Around, Justin Timberlake
Everyone tells me that karma will catch up to those that hurt me. I've had to learn to let go and seek biblical justice. Biblical justice is NOT like the justice most people seek. That was one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned, and I share with you what biblical justice really is.
Love can be like a drug: addictive and devastating. When I came back from Qatar I came home to the realization that my fairytale was just an illusion. I learned that one person's dreams have no control of the actions of another. The one time I really believed that I was truely a part of something special, everything was painfully taken away when the disillusion came - but out of that pain and hardship, I found a silver lining of hope, renewal, and thankfullness for having gotten rid of the negativity and filth that drug me down. My life really did get better when I cut ties to certain things from my past.